"Let me propose your name for membership in the Imperial Order of
Abnormal Proboscidians, of which I am the High Noble Toby and Surreptitious Treasurer.
An argument, as it seems to me, of great weight, and applicable in several other cases, is, that the above-specified breeds, though agreeing generally in constitution, habits, voice, colouring, and in most parts of their structure, with the wild rock-pigeon, yet are certainly highly
abnormal in other parts of their structure: we may look in vain throughout the whole great family of Columbidae for a beak like that of the English carrier, or that of the short-faced tumbler, or barb; for reversed feathers like those of the jacobin; for a crop like that of the pouter; for tail-feathers like those of the fantail.
"This brings us to another point, more difficult to accept and understand than any other requiring belief in a base not usually accepted, or indeed entered on--whether such
abnormal growths could have ever changed in their nature.
I was ashamed (even now, perhaps, I am ashamed): I got to the point of feeling a sort of secret
abnormal, despicable enjoyment in returning home to my corner on some disgusting Petersburg night, acutely conscious that that day I had committed a loathsome action again, that what was done could never be undone, and secretly, inwardly gnawing, gnawing at myself for it, tearing and consuming myself till at last the bitterness turned into a sort of shameful accursed sweetness, and at last--into positive real enjoyment!
There could be no doubt of the
abnormal and poverty-stricken condition of the criminal at the time.
His endeavors to arouse me from the condition of
abnormal gloom into which I had fallen, were frustrated, in great measure, by certain volumes which I had found in his library.
I was
abnormal with something they could not understand, and the telling of which would cause only misunderstanding.
Furuseth was right; I was
abnormal, an "emotionless monster," a strange bookish creature, capable of pleasuring in sensations only of the mind.
I had let slip words which, if she reflected on them, might rouse in her a suspicion of my
abnormal mental condition--a suspicion which of all things I dreaded.
Therefore they are not really a higher kind of life, but a lower." This reasoning, however, seemed to end in a paradox, and lead to the further consideration:--"What matter though it be only disease, an
abnormal tension of the brain, if when I recall and analyze the moment, it seems to have been one of harmony and beauty in the highest degree--an instant of deepest sensation, overflowing with unbounded joy and rapture, ecstatic devotion, and completest life?" Vague though this sounds, it was perfectly comprehensible to Muishkin, though he knew that it was but a feeble expression of his sensations.
He inherited a deformed and dwarfed body and an incurably sickly constitution, which carried with it
abnormal sensitiveness of both nerves and mind.
Her lack of nervousness, her placidity, was
abnormal, so
abnormal that she closed her eyes and was almost immediately asleep.