Next, it's time to resign yourself to one of the cringeworthy avatars on offer by choosing the one with the least toe-curling motto, before sitting through the dreary, self-aggrandising intro movie.
"His toe-curling address not only outstayed its welcome, but also featured an unhappy series of lewd jokes about the bride and groom that left the guests gasping for air" Gyles Brandreth criticises the best man's speech at Pippa Middleton's wedding.
Richard Curtis's script uncannily captures the toe-curling cliches of British social mores in a rom-com that is far superior to his later hit Love Actually.
However, this should not be the case when the former induces arrogance or the latter turns into hero worship, both of which helped to transform the likes of Jimmy Savile into monsters, aided and abetted by celebrity magazines and toe-curling, condescending chat shows.
Luke Donald, the first man to win the orders of merit on both sides of the Atlantic in the same season, gave a toe-curling acceptance speech for his Player of the Year Award at Tuesday's annual dinner of the Association of Golf Writers.
Richard's anecdotes were toe-curling, comics Tim Key and Chris Ramsey sipped pretend-beer like strangers in the pub and the only highlight was Al Murray's sarcastic references to Bacon's long-ago cocaine scandal.
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