used similar language when I mouthed 'focaccia' to him across the crowded exhibitors' marquee at Etal Show last weekend.
"I most certainly am NOT," I replied huffily (I was driving the Byreman
so I'd only drunk two halves).
Lion-eyes: hostile stare directed towards domino players (are you listening, Byreman
and Morebottle?) who employ suspicious patterns of speech and odd head movements in their doubles play.
THERE are several 'sure things' in the Byreman
's social life: Friday golf at Goswick, Sunday night dominoes and his ride to Kelso each Saturday morn to place a bet and buy sliced tongue for a lunchtime sandwich.
So I refuse to join Billy the Kid and the Byreman
in their flood of crocodile tears over the big game hunter who dispatched Cecil the Lion in order to fill a hole on his dental surgery wall.
Natalie Bennett, the Green leader whose little grey cells let her down under Nick Ferrari's IHAVE created a monster: the Byreman
is now bigger than Texas.
| HE hasn't long been retired but |the Byreman
's golfing buddy Rob the Ex-cused Car Salesman is already engaged in the age-old old-age battle with dimming eyesight.
It is costing me friendships: These days the Byreman
only reads The Journal on a Friday to see if he's in it.
"All it needs is a quote from the Byreman
and your column is done!" Curiously, killing troublesome foxes outside the hunting season is strictly banned in Spain whereas you may stab a fighting bull to death any time you like.
"Bloody Romanian Communists, coming over here, eating our swans, taking our jobs..." Another waxed-up earful of misunderstanding: the Byreman
has been raging about "bogus asylum seekers" ever since Lawnmower told him he'd taken the Lovely Sue to see a rom com (When Harry Met Sally having finally arrived in Alnwick); he thought Lawnmower was talking about illegal immigrants from the eastern bloc.
Once Morebottle's domino partner the Byreman
had weighed in the story was set in concrete.
tells a great yarn about a German prisoner of war who was assigned to help a local widow tend her garden each week until he was repatriated at the end of the war in 1945.