Here we are intae Simmer, haein cassen the semmits
or Mey be oot an the hash wis on last wikkeyn tryin tae catch up afore we hae a twa three days awa fae't aa an haud doon tae see wee rosie Rose, the latest edition tae the faimly an sic a mineer kennin fit tae dae first, pluntin half o the annuals in the front border till, na nae Sheena's dreeps, bit plyters o rain fair pit an eyn tae that, the dreidit packin an at the hinmaist meenit, the thocht o delays in air flicht.
No doubt the dinosaurs in their sweat-stained semmits
will be spitting their roll-ups into their pints at the very thought of a woman running the line at Ibrox but it shows how far we've come regarding sexual equality.
If only us Brits felt laidback enough to wear semmits
in the theatre then we might be happier he reckons.
Women were quite right to burn their bras if that's how they felt, but burning their semmits
and Liberty bodices is going too far.
Disgusted pensioner Eck Cameron, 72, had to make the 130-mile round trip to the Highland capital of Inverness for his semmits