Some of my fellow slapheads
find it hard to come to terms with their baldness, turning to desperate measures such as toupees or sports cars to compensate for their follicle deficit.
But if you can survive the lack of an historical map, rapid subtitles on top of an extended opening narrative and still manage to distinguish so many leading characters with their grey, identikit clothes and Mick Miller-style slapheads
, then 13 Assassins builds into a decent action-fest.
They say you know you're going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo but, according to a recent report, it would appear more and more slapheads
are going bald disgracefully.
The Dingle-born writer, a former hotel manager and market trader, also co-wrote Slappers and Slapheads
(with Len Pentin), and the Royal Court's 2010 offering A Fistful of Collars.
Lawless, co-writer of previous Royal Court hit Slappers and Slapheads
, chose one of Merseyside's favourite subjects - football - as the main theme of the piece.
The good news is that Kelly is partial to slapheads
- the more slap, the more tickle.
For this year's largest ever St Baldrick's Day, some 300 wannabe slapheads
are expected to go under the razor, hoping to collect $7million.
Christ The King Ladies briefly went top with 8-1 winner Over The Storm - until Dickens stole their thunder in the next race - and seven clubs sided with 12-1 winner Kadara - The Three Cs, Radar, Newton Slapheads
, Coventry Schools PAFA, Taffs Trotters, Newdigate B and WCC Staff Bowls.
However, he was almost 25lb clear of runner-up Mick Jones (Slapheads
) on 57lb 1oz.
should just content ourselves with the knowledge that we've got just as much hair as those loathsome geezers who are forever preening themselves in front of pub toilet mirrors - it is just that no-one knows about our flowing locks.
A SCENE from comedy Slappers And Slapheads
which is at the Royal Court until March 7
THEATRE: Fred Lawless and Len Pentin's raucous Scouse comedy Slappers and Slapheads
returns after it's sell-out success at the 2003 Liverpool Comedy Festival.