At the dead of night Madame Fosco, Madame Rubelle, and
myself (Percival not being cool enough to be trusted) accomplished the concealment.
This being within about a mile from the shore where I was, and the ship seeming to stand upright still, I wished
myself on board, that at least I might save some necessary things for my use.
That winter passed very quickly and happily for me, and at the end of the legislative session I had acquitted
myself so much to the satisfaction of one of the newspapers which I wrote for that I was offered a place on it.
When my clothes were worn to rags, I made
myself others with the skins of rabbits, and of a certain beautiful animal, about the same size, called NNUHNOH, the skin of which is covered with a fine down.
Having thus provided
myself with these maxims, and having placed them in reserve along with the truths of faith, which have ever occupied the first place in my belief, I came to the conclusion that I might with freedom set about ridding
myself of what remained of my opinions.
I recollected
myself and drove away that thought only when I found
myself glowing with anger, but I did not sufficiently repent.
As for Wolf Larsen and
myself, we got along fairly well; though I could not quite rid
myself of the idea that right conduct, for me, lay in killing him.
I have spoken of the surrender to their extraordinary childish grace as a thing I could actively cultivate, and it may be imagined if I neglected now to address
myself to this source for whatever it would yield.
Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring
myself and no one else.
But I leave the readers of these things to their own just reflections, which they will be more able to make effectual than I, who so soon forgot
myself, and am therefore but a very indifferent monitor.
Careless of her happiness, thinking only of my own amusement, giving way to feelings which I had always been too much in the habit of indulging, I endeavoured, by every means in my power, to make
myself pleasing to her, without any design of returning her affection."
I am even surprised
myself when I look back, but evidently it was my fate to rove, and after a year of repose I prepared to make a sixth voyage, regardless of the entreaties of my friends and relations, who did all they could to keep me at home.